Principles of Good Coaching: Part 2
Be With Friends
This is the second in a 4 part series focused on the Principles of Good Coaching. Follow the links to read the First Principle, Third Principle and Fourth Principle.
Principle #2: Be With Friends
Perhaps a better way to phrase the second principle is “Create a social environment where everyone feels comfortable,” but that seems a bit wordy. The principle “Be with Friends” encapsulates that same idea, and is perhaps more poignant for coaches who work with youth teams. Ideally, we’re helping players build new relationships, as well as develop their technical, tactical, physical, and psychological acumen.
To put this principle in context, let’s go through a quick reflection exercise. Think of a season when you had a bunch of fun as a player. Was it fun because you played well? Was it fun because you won games? The answer may be yes to both of those, but I bet you also thought of the teammates you played with. And it’s not a random correlation that having fun with your teammates also synced up with you playing well and winning games. Good coaches harness the power of social connection to help players get the most out of their sporting experience.
But creating a team environment where everyone gets along can be incredibly difficult – especially if you coach young athletes who are on the brink of adulthood and experiencing things for the first time. Players will bring all of their unique experiences with them to the field, and it is critical that you create a social space where they can present themselves authentically. Coaches must cultivate an environment where players can voice their honest opinions without fear of retribution, even if there may be others who disagree with them. It’s only under those conditions, where players can be their true selves, that growth occurs.
This concept is phrased as “psychological safety”, and is worth looking into if you haven’t already. Google conducted a study that looked for commonalities between high-performing teams. They found that the best teams didn’t have the smartest people or the most efficient processes. Instead, the teams with high levels of psychological safety outperformed other teams, even when on paper they weren’t supposed to.
Creating psychological safety is not easy to do and reading this article won’t be a panacea. But it will present a few sub-principles and techniques that drive relationship building and contribute to a positive social atmosphere – all of which make up the second Principle of Good Coaching.
Make it Personal
A few years ago I met a coach who played collegiately and professionally, went on to play at those levels, and then returned home to start a youth club when he retired. Over the promise of free margaritas, I got him to sit down with me and answer a few questions. We were talking about what successful coaches do, and he said (verbatim) “the most important thing a coach can do is care about their players.” To be effective, coaches must care deeply about the players they work with.
The first step in getting to know your players, and getting them to know each other, is learning their names. I once spent a season working with a semi-professional team. I came in late to the season, they had already been together about a month or so, but I could tell there wasn’t a sense of comfort or camaraderie within the group. On my third day with them, I gathered all the players around and asked “Who here can name everyone else in the huddle?” Only 2 players raised their hands. Do you think this team enjoyed spending time with each other? Do you think they had a winning or losing season? How can a team be expected to perform in a competitive league if they don’t even know the person playing next to them?
Even though it’s a tiny detail and easy to dismiss as obvious, this is the first step of coaching. I can’t tell you how many assistant coaches I’ve worked with who, after spending weeks with a team, still couldn’t name every player. What I’ve found works best is using a player’s name right after learning it. You introduce yourself, they introduce themselves, then keep an eye on them for the next two minutes and find an excuse to reinforce it. Do this with every player over the course of a practice, and at the end of the second session you’ll know everyone’s name.
Here’s an example: “I’m Coach Toph, what’s your name? Awesome, nice to meet you Carlos.” Two minutes later. “Excellent pass there, Carlos!” Practice using their name right away so they know your voice and you know who they are.
Working backwards, to be successful at soccer you need to have a good team. To be a good team you have to know who you’re playing with. The first step of knowing someone is learning their name. There is power in knowing someone’s name – their full name – so use that to your advantage and make sure your players do the same.
Of course, knowing someone’s name does not automatically create a powerful bond. My advice here is to greet each player when they arrive at training and try to have a short conversation about their life. There’s no secret behind any of this, it just comes down to consistency, authenticity and devotion.
Structure Social Interactions
Often times, it is the outgoing and extroverted players who receive the most attention from coaches and teammates. It’s a natural consequence of social interactions and not necessarily a bad thing. Problems only arise when shyer, quieter players get overlooked as they will then begin to feel unimportant and potentially resentful. Don’t make the mistake of thinking quiet players have nothing to say – all it means is that they don’t feel comfortable speaking.
If you want to have a successful season and keep players interested in the game, you have to overcome this problem. One of the techniques I employ is the use of small groups to alleviate social anxiety and build relationships among players.
Periodically, I will pose a question to the team and tell them to answer it in partners. After a few minutes, I combine two sets of partners into one group of four and they compare answers. After a few more minutes, I combine two groups of four players into a larger group of eight and they do the same. This keeps repeating until we’ve reunited as a whole group.
Starting in partners forces players to interact with each other. When they’re a group of four, shyer players feel slightly less anxious because they can rely on their partner to help explain their answer. In groups of 8 it may become difficult, but players abide by another lesson which I will get to in a minute.
Players need to practice using their voices in front of each other. They need to be comfortable expressing their ideas and opinions in front of their teammates, otherwise they’ll always be nervous – and it’s hard to play well when you’re nervous. In these beginning stages, it matters less what they talk about and more that they say something. Structure conversations and give players specific things to discuss to ensure they practice speaking.
Another example: When my older teams warm-up I walk between the players and ask questions. Sometimes they’re random questions, such as “Which Harry Potter character would you want to be?” Other times they’re personal, such as “Name one thing that scares you.” Again, it doesn’t matter what the question is (at least for these purposes). I only want them to practice using their voices when they know the other players can hear them. A knock-on effect of these questions (especially the silly ones) is that players get caught up talking to each other about whatever you asked – which is an ideal outcome. Just make sure to lead the quiet players into the conversations when this occurs.
Everybody Talks
There is one lesson that I make sure all of my teams learn, which is that Everybody Talks. Whenever they get into small groups everyone must say something. It is each person’s responsibility to speak, and their responsibility to fold people into the conversation. It’s a simple concept but works wonderfully.
Here’s an example of how I incorporated this into a training session: The collegiate women’s team I coached needed to work on corner kicks. I explained the Everybody Talks concept, went over small group leadership (one leader to keep everyone focused and progressing, everyone needs to speak and be heard, get to application and problem-solving quickly) and broke them into two separate groups. Each group created an attacking corner routine, practiced and refined it, then they competed against each other. Afterwards, each group selected a new leader and were given time to refine their routine, work on defensive roles, or develop a new attacking routine altogether, before getting another chance to compete against the other group.
At the end of the session we discussed which corner kicks worked best and made sure everybody knew which ones we would use. But we mostly reflected on the group decision-making processes and gave feedback to the leaders. I doubt any of those players remember the corner kick routines, but I guarantee every one of them knows how to run meetings and lead small groups – which is a helpful skill in the working world.
**Two small caveats to this. First, this technique should not always be used. There are times when you need players to get through something quickly. Using Everybody Talks is effective but can also be time consuming. I suggest you teach this lesson early in the season, explain the reasoning behind it, and give an example of how players can bring teammates into the conversation (“David, what are you thinking?”). This way, players know they should be creating inclusive environments even when it’s not specifically asked for.
Second, sometimes saying something unpalatably is worse than saying nothing. Coaches must teach players how to communicate when there is a difference in thoughts and opinions. This is a separate topic that will be addressed in the future, but creating a socially comfortable environment is the first step in this process.
Plan and Manage Social Groups
Every team has natural divisions in it. There are cliques and friend groups made up along school lines, grade level, technical ability, car pools, etc. Being aware of these sub-groups and subtly managing them is crucial to creating a well harmonized team. At times you may want to divide these groups to develop and strengthen new relationships; other times you may want to reinforce these close relationships to improve chemistry (plus playing with your best friend is always fun – Remember Rule 1).
Every exercise has physical, tactical, and technical components to it. But it also has psychological and social elements embedded in it as well. To get the most out these latter components requires careful planning from the coach. When designing sessions, take into account any social dynamics that need to be challenged or reinforced, along with the learning objectives you have for the day. Getting everyone to like each other may be an impossible task, but everyone needs to respect each other in the pursuit of the shared goal and be able to communicate effectively – especially in times of disagreeance.
Let’s return to the Everybody Talks/corner kick example for a moment. On that collegiate team I had two center backs that did not get along. At all. They despised each other. But the night before training, when I was placing players into their respective corner kick groups, I put them together. I needed them to practice collaborating and communicating with each other, in a controlled setting, because they needed to work together on game days. If I hadn’t planned out the two teams ahead of time they would have ended up on different sides. Sometimes that’s okay, players need space from each other. Other times we have to force players to work together, and it is our job to teach them how to do it. When players (especially young players) argue and fight, it’s not because they’re mean, it’s because they lack the communication skills to deal effectively with social problems.
Wrapping Up
The first principle we talked about was Have Fun. To help leverage that, the social environment of the team needs to be carefully curated to ensure everybody feels welcomed and included. A key part of that is caring deeply about the players you work with and building personal relationships with them. Yet the relationships don’t just exist between coaches and players. We need to teach players how to be emotionally and socially open with each other and make sure they feel comfortable using their voices. This can lead to detrimental outcomes when players lack the requisite communication skills to handle stressful and emotionally complex events. Coaches need to structure the social components of their training sessions to help teach these skills until they become second nature.
While writing this piece, it’s become apparent that we have only touched the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more to talk about, such as how you actually teach these problem-solving communication skills mentioned above. All this piece does is suggest a few guidelines and techniques that coaches can use to create a positive social environment where players can develop relationships and be with their friends.
This is the second in a 4 part series focused on the Principles of Good Coaching. Follow the links to read the First Principle, Third Principle and Fourth Principle.