Interview with Coach Tim - Part 3
Coach Tim talks about parent engagement, coaching Crystal Dunn, and common mistakes coaches make at licensing clinics.
The third and final part in my conversation with Tim Bradbury. If you like what you read, make sure to check out the first and second parts as well!
I was talking to another coach about what parents think good coaching looks like. How do you approach the education piece to parents?
Great question. I know people don’t like the phrase parent education, they like parent engagement. So parent engagement.
At my initial parent meeting the main message is “We’re in this together.” There’s a triangle. To have your kid perform up to their potential it’s me, you, and the kid. If me and you aren’t on the same page the kid will never fulfill their potential. Obviously I can provide soccer knowledge but you are absolutely key. I need you to understand what we need and to exhibit certain behaviors.
The first behavior we talk about is whether they like their kids thinking. They always say yes. I’m yet to find a parent who says “No, I don’t want my kid to think.” Which, as an example, directly impacts their performance on game day. I can say 100% that my U9 players’ parents are unique on Long Island because they watch a game and they clap, smile, and cry. Not one order gets shouted out. It’s got to the stage where the other group of parents asks them “What is up?” And they say things like “We just like having our kids think.”
Our parents have started to win all these sportsmanship awards – which is how Long Island does it – they give the players sportsmanship awards if the parents are quiet. It’s quite funny. But these parents get it. They get it because they see their kids growing and they see their kids solving problems. I give the kids little soccer problems and say: “Go and talk to your parents and use the pepper and salt shakers to talk to them about the quality of pressure.”
Then mom and dad are saying to me “My kid came home and tried to use the pepper shaker to show me a defender,” and I’m like “Good.”
The unfortunate truth is we are tragically missing getting the parent on our side because we don’t inform them. We need a parent culture as well as a player culture. They have to go through the same meetings and ask themselves “Can we agree on the behaviors that are going to be acceptable now that Tim told us what the team is going to be about?”
Now they know that screaming out or talking about another kid is not acceptable, and they know that doing certain things are acceptable. They can always talk to me about how their kid is feeling. But you have to build this culture otherwise it goes nowhere.
Do you think coaches struggle with that? Particularly younger coaches?
Absolutely. These parents can be lawyers, or something like that, who have wealth and money, and that can be difficult to contend with. It’s the culture we all live in. Young coaches misinterpret age and experience for knowledge and that’s why they struggle.
But you have to nurture that young coach. You have to explain to that young coach what we just talked about. Without the parent-coach relationship being built on trust and knowledge, then the kid will never fulfill their potential.
I’ve seen it happen. Because the kid sits in the car and Mom and Dad go off about the coach. The kid is put in the middle of that conversation an it’s a horrible place to be. And too many coaches put kids in that situation too.
Do you give parents any guidelines of what to do after a game?
The only thing they’re allowed to say is “I enjoyed watching you play today.” We don’t do any unpacking in the car ride home. Kids and parents need to emotionally distill.
I like to think that I’ve convinced my parents that winning is not important. I say that with a bit of sadness because it so happens that they’re 2nd in their little league and the parents are coming over saying “We’re 2nd in the league,” and I’m like “I’m not interested. I don’t even want to know.”
How do you approach that balance with older players? The distinction between winning is not the be-all end-all but we do coach to compete.
Well it comes back to processes. But we’re always trying to win. If we’re not trying to win, if you’re not willing to compete, go play golf or an independent sport where nobody relies on you. So that myth gets dispelled completely.
We’ll always do our best to win but right now what we do to win, and you developing skills, is more important than winning by itself. So if we’re going to play a style where by age 8 you don’t touch the ball and we’re just whacking it, no learning is happening. I sell them on the aim that by 17 we will be unbeatable. Teams will just give us the ball. I’ll be able to sit down and just watch.
By 17 you’ll be fully autonomous, you can choose the lineup, you can choose the style of play for today, you can choose the adjustments at halftime. And that my aim as a coach is to get kids into that position. Luckily I’ve had a few examples like Crystal Dunn where that’s been achieved because they’re managing to play at a very high level.
You coached Crystal Dunn?
From 10-17.
Was she head and shoulders above everybody?
Not when she was 10. The first time she came to a practice she turned up with a real attitude, but I only had to talk to her once about it. She had the energy to be a great player. She had the heart of a warrior. She had an insatiable desire to be brilliant. So it was an easy adjustment to make. I’ve coached other kids who were much more of a challenge.
Seems that’d be a specific example to pull out and use with parents.
She’s the shining example of if you’re willing to put the effort in, and apply yourself, I can give you the experience that will make you as good as you can possibly be with the athletic body you’ve been given. And it just so happens that she had the powers to be very good. But it’s the work she did while getting there.
Out of all your experience running coach education, what are the most common mistakes you see coaches make during licensing clinics?
Good question. They’re too rushed. They coach without observing. With any activity or organization, the first thing to do is watch. You have to watch because if you rush to deliver information, you won’t have the data to base that information on. So observation is key.
It’s worth noting that you can’t coach without a personality. I don’t care who you are. If I’m dry, monotone, boring, I probably can’t coach. So without a charisma, a personality, a presence, to use many of the words that we use, it’s difficult, it’s a struggle. But if you got that personality and that love for it – like when you’re on a Freeze and you feel like you’re selling water in the desert – combine that with a deep knowledge, then you can start to educate people in a way that makes them want to come back. And that’s the key. Make them want to come back.
Any advice on how coaches can develop that charisma?
Personality is the hardest. Of all the things you need to teach as an education, teaching personality is hard. I used to say to the coaching crew that I trained: beg, borrow, or steal a personality. Because you can’t do it without. So show me that energy when you teach, show me that passion. When you model a technique convince them of its greatness with your tone and intonation. But I strongly believe that’s the hardest thing to adapt. If you’re just a lawyer or a politician deep inside then it’s difficult.