Interview with Coach Ben - Part 2

Coach Ben talks about communicating with parents, how he structures individual meetings with players, and how he incorporates visualization into his training sessions.

A continuation of my interview with Coach Ben. The first part can be found here.

How would you describe your time coaching?

Well I always got discipline out of my players because I was super disciplined myself. I made sure I was always organized and ahead of the pack, and I never asked them to do something that I wasn’t willing to do myself – until I was physically unable to do so of course.

I approached it all with a firm but loving hand. I used a huge amount of humor, much of its self effacing, to address and resolve many many issues. No one was safe from a little poke of humor now and then, but it always started with me. I made fun of myself in front of my players so they could understand that even though I took the game seriously, I never took myself too seriously.

And I used lots and lots of love and understanding. I always promised my players that I would never lie to them, and I never did. I would go to bat for them under any circumstances and I always showed them that I was their ally and would help them with anything that I possibly could... and I followed through on a regular basis. 

A  player must first trust their coach, and then perhaps they will be willing to trust themselves when the coach asks them to do something that they’re not comfortable with yet. Effectiveness on the field begins with the coach understanding his players and the players understanding what the coach is asking.

I have often said to players and parents alike that the statistics show that 2 to 3% of all athletes in any sport will go on to play competitively past their 18th birthday. So if that is the truth, then what is it,  that we as youth coaches are all about?

That brings up a good point. A key part in creating a healthy soccer system relies on interacting with parents. What’s your approach to communicating with them?

It’s so important to establish your lines of communication to parents, especially for youth players. And my attitude is screw the parents. And what that means in real terms is that your job is about the players. If you start getting wrapped up in the parents then you’re going to go down the toilet before you start.

I would tell parents “Do not call me about playing time, do not call me about position, do not call me about ‘how so and so should be playing so and so.’ That is none of your damn business.”

I would also tell parents “Let me help you. Let me help you raise your kid because your kid is going to tell me stuff that they’re not going to tell you. And if you’re cool with that then we’ll have a better kid on our hands. If there’s something going on that is really affecting your child that’s when I want to hear from you. You can call me and come to me personally. You can come to me after a game or training session. I will always be happy to visit about anything of real importance. But other than that, let me do my business and let me help you.” I got a lot of takers on that, especially single mothers.

It’s likely that you will become the father figure for a boy who doesn’t have a dad at home. I was for hundreds of boys. Some of those boys have told me in very explicit terms what it meant to them — when I would take the time to talk to them and show them I actually cared. I would often go to bat for them in sticky situations because I knew they were good kids. If they fucked up, well okay, they’re human they’re allowed. But they also knew there was going to be consequences.

I can name my trouble parents with one hand. They used to say “Never give your number to parents.” I said “Fuck that.” All my parents had my number but I made damn sure none of them had any questions of me, because communication eliminates almost all of that bullshit. Just be honest, demanding, and know who you are as a coach and what you stand for as a person.

I know that you like to have individual meetings with your players. Can you tell us what that looks like?

Well being so rural meant we had at least an hour on the bus for all of our away games, so that’s when I would meet with players individually. I’ve done them at training too. I had my assistants run the exercises while I’d talk to players one at a time. I allow up to 5 minutes for each kid, knowing it will take some time to get through them all, and that’s okay.

The first part of our chat was always about them. “What do you want? What are you seeing? How are you feeling? Feeling comfortable? Feel like you fit in? Feel like you’re being productive?” And if it’s early in the season “What are your expectations for yourself this season? How do you see it? You played left midfield last year are you looking to play something different? I’ve got some ideas, what do you think?”

And I would have my notes already written down with feedback too. So I’d say things like “I want you to work on your left foot and I want you to work on your range of passing.” or “You’re decent 1v1. I want you to have the confidence to take people on –especially when you’re in the middle third,” or something like that.

Then I’d meet with individuals again if it looks like we’re going to playoffs. Same as before, I’ll ask “Okay, now what are your expectations going into this thing?” Because monitoring their expectations is massive. It can’t be over or under. It just has to be real and it has to be honest.

If they legitimately feel “We can win the state crown coach. I know we can win it.” I say “Well okay, that’s nice to hear. What are you going to do about making that happen? How do you see your role in making that happen? You’re the captain of the team and center midfielder. What are you going to do?”

Then they say “I’m going to be calm, I’m going to be in control of the ball, I’m going to control the midfield, and I’m going to encourage as much positive play as possible.”

That would be an ideal answer from a kid like that because it’s something he could possibly do. So now I can see that the kid is focused and he’s got a good clue. But the kid who says “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” Well then you’ve got to help them. Because they do know what to do, it’s just that they can’t vocalize it.

What did the first 10 minutes of your training sessions look like?

During the first 5 minutes of training players could do whatever the hell they wanted, as long as they were doing something with the ball. They could talk, juggle together, work on whatever, I didn’t care.

After that I said “Come in, sit down. We’re going to take 5 minutes and do a little bit of visualization to get your heads right.”

Then I have them lay down and I’ll start talking to them. “Close your eyes. I want you to breathe. I want you take 3 really deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth. With every breath I want you to let all of your little troubles go away. Let ‘em go. You’re done with school. This is the best part of the day right now. The best part. You’ve been looking forward to this all day. I know you have because I have. Now see yourself, in your mind’s eye, laying on the grass.”

Then I go from there. I put them on the field. “See yourself dressed for training. Look down, look at your boots, look at your socks. Do you have your shin guards in yet? What color are your shorts tonight? Now, in your mind’s eye, let’s get out on the field and start working the ball. I want you to feel the ball on your feet. Just feel it. Nice and soft, but yet firm. Totally in control of the ball. Start dribbling. Okay, eyes up. Find somebody for a pass. Now receive a pass.”

And on and on and on with that. Just for a few minutes. And if we were doing a possession session, I’d tell them what we’re doing and we’d start visualizing it. I’d talk to them about first touch, about getting their heads up, about being able to see the ball and field at the same time. “Can you increase your range of vision? Where is your left back right now? Behind you? To the side of you?” I try to bring in little elements from the field. Then I’d pull them out of that: “Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath. Alright, when you’re ready open your eyes, get up, and we’ll get after it.”

I guarantee you they are changed people afterward. They’re ready to train now, especially for the twitchy ones who can’t sit still in school, who are borderline ADD and who always talk.

So why do I do those things? Well it’s twofold. One is to calm my players down. Think of a junior in high school, the toughest academic year of the four, and maybe they’ve had a hard day. Maybe they have finals tomorrow and they’ve been up late.

So the whole objective of visualization was to get rid of school and all that other shit, and try to train them to be present. So whether it’s at training – or equally important at a game – that when they pull up their socks and cross the touchline, they’re switched on for the whole fucking time. And that is a massive challenge.

You can have a really proficient team, but if they switch off and give up a goal, the game changes. Maybe they lose a bit of their stability, maybe they start asking questions, maybe they start yapping and get pissed at their teammates.

So that’s a great learning moment for a coach. Because guess what? My players reflect me. So if I have a fucked up attitude and I’m always screaming and yelling, guess what will happen?

Before I became aware, I would have some bad nights and I couldn’t wait to get to training the next day to apologize and make up because I made some dumb shit comment to somebody. And that still can happen, no matter the level of experience or number of years. People are people and it depends on what’s going on in your own personal life.

Life is not always a bed of roses and there can be challenges that affect how we respond, but that’s what competitive sports are about. Learning how to adapt and overcome in a team environment is important. The beauty of soccer has always been that under a good coach you’re allowed to be yourself, yet have the thrill of making some magic with a bunch of other people. Because you can’t do it by yourself. You can have one moment of glory perhaps, but that’s it. There’s still 89 minutes left to play.