How to Build a Caring Team Environment
The quality of your coaching is only as good as the quality of your relationships.
“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
- Teddy Roosevelt
“They actually care about the players they work with.”
- Coach Joe when asked about the difference between a good coach and a great coach.
At the beginning of every season I hold a parent meeting. And every time while I’m pacing around my living room, rehearsing what I’m going to say, I realize that I’ve only scratched the surface of what it means to truly care.
For years our season would end and I’d think “Yeah, I’ve figured out this whole caring thing. Good on me!” But inevitably, after a few months off and some time to reflect, a new season rolls up with a new parent meeting and it hits me that I only understand a fraction of what that really means.
One of Coach Ben’s strengths, and probably the reason why he managed to turn a sleepy Colorado town into a soccer powerhouse, is because he cared deeply about the players. He may be a bit rough around the edges, but that man is fully devoted to his players, and they know it in large part because he tells them so repeatedly. Which leads us to the first piece of the caring puzzle….
State it Clearly 🎤
Explicitly stating your expectations, intentions and motivations is key to establishing a solid foundation for communication and growth – which includes telling the players how much you care about them.
I say the same thing to all of my teams the first time we meet:
“You may not realize this, but you guys get the short end of the stick. You don’t get to choose who your coach is. Your parents put you in this club (or school) and then I get assigned as the coach. You have no say in the matter, and it’s not exactly fair since you’re the ones who see me most often.
“But I’m going to make this up to you. I’m going to work hard for the team and be committed to who you are as an individual. From this point forward, I will always be your coach and you will always be my player. If you need anything, anything at all, you contact me. I will help you no matter what. If I have to walk through lava and carry you in my arms, I will do it. This is a relationship I take seriously and from this point forward you have me in your life.”
I mean every word of it and that commitment shows through my body language, eye contact, tone of voice, everything. From the get-go I give my whole self to the players I coach. It requires vulnerability and trust from my end, which is scary because we’ve all worked with players who will abuse those and toss them aside. But to receive respect, trust, and love you must freely give them with no expectation of return.
(Although I openly admit that it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever be called upon to carry one of my players through lava… But I said I would do it so I would.)
Show It 💡
But lip service is easy. This profound sense of care needs to be shown every day in everything you do if you want it to be meaningful.
One of the ways I do this is by arriving early to every practice. I have cones, pinnies, goals, everything setup ahead of time so that when players arrive I can focus entirely on greeting them, shaking their hand, asking them about their day, what they’re reading, what they’re watching, how school was, what their weekend plans are, how they felt at the end of last game, whether their younger sister will start playing soccer soon, whatever it is. I take a genuine interest in who they are as people, regardless of whether they’re God’s gift to soccer or fall over tying their shoes.
A good coach must care about individuals and the team as well. Arriving early and setting up not only allows me to welcome players, it also sends the message that I am prepared – and preparation is a symptom of caring.
When players arrive they see a field that’s ready for them; a coach comes up and is interested in them; before training starts we go over a plan that’s been made for them. Everything is focused on the players’ experience and every detail has been considered to maximize their well-being and development. Exercises run for precise times, water breaks are monitored down to the second, groups aren’t made haphazardly on the fly but specifically created to highlight tactical concepts and build social relationships (of course all this can change based on how exercises actually progress and which players show up that day). All of this conveys the message that the coach is wholly dedicated to the individual and to the team.
Care to Correct 😒
With so much care being devoted to the players it’s important that they hold up their end of the bargain as well, which means they need to live up to our expectations. Showing players that we care about their personal and athletic development means we must be willing to use discipline when appropriate.
“Those who dispense discipline must remember that its purpose is to help, to prevent, to correct, to improve, rather than to punish.”
- John Wooden
We coach players because we care about what they’re capable of, not because of what they lack. If we say there’s a standard but then don’t enforce it, then there’s no standard. We need to be firm, give feedback and issue discipline because we care about the well being of our players, not the opposite. (That line about standards is taken from Coach Joe who has spoken well about this subject).
I’ve worked with coaches who stood quietly during training sessions but then screamed during matches. They cared more about games than practice – or another way to say it: they only cared about their players for 90 minutes each week.
How do you think those players performed? How do you think those players felt? If we want to help young people develop then we must care about them all the time – when they perform well and when they fall behind.
Helping Young Men 🧑🏽
The best way a coach can lead is by example. For the last few years I’ve worked exclusively with young men, and while things are definitely changing, there is still a “masculine” culture where men suppress their emotions and struggle to show compassion and affection for each other.
There are obvious negative consequences from this: men have fewer close relationships, struggle to communicate about emotionally-sensitive topics, and experience feelings of isolation and social withdrawal. But having a coach explicitly care for them not only provides the necessary social support and overcomes this issue, it unconsciously encourages them to pass along that feeling to others. They are more likely to engage in healthy relationship behaviors because they’ve seen how it can be done, experienced the joy it brings, and that it’s okay to care deeply.
Wrapping Up ✨
I like to tell my teams “Look, same as how you’re out here practicing, and making mistakes, and learning, I’m doing the same thing as a coach. I won’t always get it right but I’m going to do my best for you.”
I find that when players know that I have their best interest at heart they’re more willing to go along with what I suggest and communicate about any issues they experience. I’m not going to make every coaching decision perfectly, just like players won’t execute every technique flawlessly, but when coaches and players have each other’s backs, that’s when the magic happens.
Now if only I can find a way to explain that to their parents…